CHICAGO, IL – As the global pandemic moves into it’s ninth month, airlines have suffered tremendous losses. With light at the end of the tunnel, United, Delta, and several other carriers have announced layoffs in the tens of thousands.
Fortunately, the airlines are offering a gracious severance package for those furloughed: Chili’s gift cards and hotel vouchers for the airport Hyatt. Airline spokesperson, Will Westers, stated this is standard procedure and was agreed to by all employees in their terms of carriage when they accepted their positions.
Update: Some airlines have offered to come to employee homes, take their belongings, and lose them for the duration of the layoff. Conveniently returning them once the layoffs are over. Maybe.
Jonathan is a degreed physicist and engineer by day, and amateur entertainer in the evenings. He enjoys studying and performing improvised comedy and writing sketch comedy. When he’s had enough of listening to people complain, you can find him underwater scuba diving where he can’t hear you. It’s like space. No one can hear you, but not because of a vacuum. No. It’s because you can’t talk. So it’s like space, but without the radiation and deadly aliens that burst out of your chest.
