ATLANTA, GA – “I enjoy a good breadstick with my Almas Albino Caviar and my Dom Perignon Reserve de L’Abbaye”, said Anderson Cooper on Sunday. Cooper, the condescending host of CNN’s AC360 was back pedaling after making an elitist remark or three during coverage of the riots at the US capitol last week.
Kat, a server at a local Olive Garden, said, “He comes in here all the time and orders the artichoke dip and breadsticks, but he’s always got a bottle of sparkling wine and some fishy black shit. We used to tell him he couldn’t bring that in here, but it was easier just to look the other way. We all [the servers and staff] assumed he had suffered some brain damage and wasn’t completely cognitive.” Grand Beacon staff reporters explained that he was a news anchor for CNN and Kat replied, “Oh! That explains it too. Poor little guy.”
Almas Albino Caviar is the world’s most expensive food. It sells for about $35,000 per kg. Dom Perignon Reserve de L’Abbaye is the worlds second most expensive champagne at about $1200 per bottle. The most expensive is Armand de Brignac but drinking that at Olive Garden would just be ridiculous.Full Disclosure: No one on The Grand Beacon staff actually enjoys Olive Garden, but when we eat there, we’re happy to be family.
Jonathan is a degreed physicist and engineer by day, and amateur entertainer in the evenings. He enjoys studying and performing improvised comedy and writing sketch comedy. When he’s had enough of listening to people complain, you can find him underwater scuba diving where he can’t hear you. It’s like space. No one can hear you, but not because of a vacuum. No. It’s because you can’t talk. So it’s like space, but without the radiation and deadly aliens that burst out of your chest.