Christians Terrified Cuts to USPS Will Impair Delivery of Vital Christmas Cards

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CHRISTMAS, MI – The Trump Administration’s decision to cut costs at the United States Postal Service has sparked an outrage with rural Christians.  The exchanging of Christmas cards is one of the three pillars of Christianity.  The other two legs being harvesting of coniferous trees and consumption of egg based alcoholic beverages.  These three activities ensure a very stable religious holiday.

But take one of the legs away and threaten the annual exchange of cards, you’ve got the ingredients for a moral uprising.  Thousands of rural white Christians are protesting cost cutting moves at the USPS.  The only time the vast majority of them use the postal service is at Christmas for exchanging cards.  These rural citizens are intelligent and affluent.  They switched to electronic bill payment, and Venmo like apps for reconciling accounts five years ago.

It’s almost as if the slow, inconvenient delivery method of snail mail were part of the ritual.