ALLENDALE, MI – Disgusted with so many Michigander’s inability to count past ten, Paul VanKloppen spends every Saturday helping the misguided find the right lane at the grocery store.
Following retirement, Paul needed an outlet for his charitable time. All the big causes, homelessness, child hunger, and environmentalism, were chockfull and overcrowded. This led Paul to strike out on his own and fix people up right. It was his mission to educate shoppers with more than 10 items in the 10 items of less lane.
“It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s got to do it!”, proclaimed Paul.
“He’s a real asset to the community.”, said Todd Toddson, financial planner. “I used to stop in here for my soy milk, protein powder, and graham flour on my way to the gym and there would be a single mom with like 11 or 12 items and a crying baby. Paul’s selfless giving shamed them into using the other lanes.”
Paul recalled a high point. “I remember once explaining to a college student that just because you had 3 bags of Doritos, 4 bottles of Boon’s Farm, and 4 jars of salsa that it’s still 11 items. Not three. At first, she was really surprised, but then a tear formed in the corner of her eye and she broke down over the casual inconsiderateness she had displayed over the years.”
Read the next article in our Local Heroes Series tomorrow: Local Woman Devotes Saturdays to Correcting “10 Items or Less” signs so they properly read “10 Items or Fewer”
Jonathan is a degreed physicist and engineer by day, and amateur entertainer in the evenings. He enjoys studying and performing improvised comedy and writing sketch comedy. When he’s had enough of listening to people complain, you can find him underwater scuba diving where he can’t hear you. It’s like space. No one can hear you, but not because of a vacuum. No. It’s because you can’t talk. So it’s like space, but without the radiation and deadly aliens that burst out of your chest.