PORTLAND, OR – Today, August 21, marks the 12th week of rioting in Portland, Oregon. Information has recently surfaced revealing that the majority of the rioters missed their late spring nap and are in the midst of an exhausting tantrum.
Doctor Turntables, a behavior psychologist with a German accent, asserts, “[That] this sort of behavior is perfectly natural for toddlers. For the youth. The young have active minds and active imaginations. They need a certain amount rest to recharge and rejuvenate. If they don’t get this rest, they become anxious and agitated.”
We questioned Dr. Turntables about possible solutions. He responded that often a “snacky snack” was the best action to restore blood sugar levels and squelch their anxiety. For the smaller toddlers a Lunchable was suggested. For the larger, but no less mature, the suggestion was for a charcuterie board.
Steven Stark is a self educated social commentator, humorist, and contributor. He is currently enjoying partial retirement and acting as editor for The Grand Beacon.