News of John McClean’s Death Stuns – Executive Order Signed


WASHINGTON, D.C. – At today’s national intelligence briefing, President Biden was advised that “The Music” didn’t die yesterday, but that in fact, it died metaphorically in 1959 and that the song, “American Pie” memorialized the death in lyrics by Don McClean.

A shocked President Biden paused, mouth agape, for a moment and leapt into action.  Grabbing his trusty executive order writing pen, the President ordered a national referendum and appropriated emergency funds to revive the hero of Nakatomi Plaza.

“John McClane is an important national treasure.  We need him to feed us and do the, you know, that thing for us.  I’m initiating an initiative to initiate a research institute to revive, the thing, John McClean.  For all of us initiative Americans.”, said Biden.

John McClean is a fictional character, played by Bruce Willis, in the 1988 action film “Die Hard”.  He is unrelated to the singer song writer, Don McClean.  Staffers are afraid to mention this fact to President Biden.