ROSCOMMON, MI – Forest Dunes Golf Resort and other Northern Michigan golf courses are seeing a decline in players and are seeking solutions. Don Helinski, director of operations, proudly proclaims that “golf is time-consuming, expensive, and hard to play, and we want it to stay that way.”
Unfortunately, younger people have short attention spans, little disposable income, and only know how to play soccer and ultimate frisbee. So Helinski, and a group of other professionals, are looking for a gateway golf to lure unsuspecting young white men into the boring, time-consuming miasma known as golf.
This cabal is advocating 10 to 12-hole courses to address the time commitment. Furthermore, they are looking to reduce the stuffed shirt atmosphere with outdoor bars, with music, and relaxed dress codes. Possibly permitting barefoot playing. To address the skill shortcomings elimination of par 5 holes and the addition of additional par 3 holes.
With dedication and luck, these old white men will make the boring game of golf entertaining long enough to addict a new generation of white men so they can avoid their spouses and neglect their children on Saturdays for years to come.
Jonathan is a degreed physicist and engineer by day, and amateur entertainer in the evenings. He enjoys studying and performing improvised comedy and writing sketch comedy. When he’s had enough of listening to people complain, you can find him underwater scuba diving where he can’t hear you. It’s like space. No one can hear you, but not because of a vacuum. No. It’s because you can’t talk. So it’s like space, but without the radiation and deadly aliens that burst out of your chest.
