Rural Soothsayer Advocates Consumption of Local Children

The Nunica Witch Looking for Children

NUNICA, MI – “Eat local.  Act Globally.” says, Bella Donna, a practitioner of the dark arts and member of the Nunica Coven.  Ms. Donna has become frustrated with the recent main streaming of wiccans.  She recalls a better time when witches were loathed and feared and hopes that by feasting upon the flesh of local children the surrounding community will return to a more presumptive fear and loathing.

“Sure, there are modern artificially cultured virgin meat available on the internet, but it doesn’t meet the standards for the growth of our coven.”, said Donna.  “If we could just get everyone to start eating a local child one day a week, we could make Nunica, West Michigan, and the Midwest a better place for our children…Never mind.”