WASHINGTON D.C. – Senator Ted Cruz, Republican-Texas, recently discovered that you could indeed contract the COVID-19 virus from kissing ass. In recent weeks, the Texas senator has had his lips firmly attached to President Trump’s ass. Following a positive test for Governor Mike DeWine of Ohio, Senator Cruz worried that he too could have contracted the disease from ass kissing and has decided to self-quarantine to prevent further spreading.
Senator Cruz and Governor DeWine are only a short list of politicians at risk of contracting COVID-19 from ass kissing. Governor Whitmer of Michigan has her lips ensconced upon the DNCs ass, hoping for a cabinet position should former Vice President Biden win the election this November.
Jonathan is a degreed physicist and engineer by day, and amateur entertainer in the evenings. He enjoys studying and performing improvised comedy and writing sketch comedy. When he’s had enough of listening to people complain, you can find him underwater scuba diving where he can’t hear you. It’s like space. No one can hear you, but not because of a vacuum. No. It’s because you can’t talk. So it’s like space, but without the radiation and deadly aliens that burst out of your chest.