The US Government – It’s Back for a Limited Time Only


WASHINGTON D.C. – Last Friday, the 25th of January, congress and the president came to an agreement and decided to open the federal government for a limited time only. That’s right, unless congress and the president can come to an agreement on border security, the federal government will again, be put into cold storage.

This isn’t a new tactic. McDonald’s has been doing this for years with the oft yearned for McRib. McDonald’s puts the mouth watering goodness of the McRib on their stainless steel counters for a scant 3-4 weeks every year. This forced abstinence certainly makes the heart grow fonder. We…we addicted few, march to the kiosks, underpaid counter help, and unintelligible drive through voice actors, just to get our hands on the tasty McRib. Bite into it. Savor its tasty goodness, and then wonder why I missed it.

Well now it’s your uncle’s turn to try this tactic. Uncle Sam has put the federal government on the shelf again. You know you missed it these last 35 days.

  • You missed short lines at the TSA checkpoints. Wait, strike that, there were never short lines at the TSA checkpoint.
  • You missed, the park rangers at Yellowstone telling you not to feed Yogi. Wait strike that, you knew that, unless you’re an idiot.
  • You missed ‘e-coli free’ romaine lettuce on your salad. Wait, strike that, you actually had that during the shutdown, when the FDA and USDA were up and operational it was fucked up.

So what exactly did you miss. I’ve got no idea, but you know you just have to have it. Just like the McRib; you’d be better off without the Federal Government, but you just feel better with it.

I’m Steven Stark and that’s my Beacon Point!