Top Five Songs Not to Play at Your Wedding

Top 5 List

So, you and your betrothed are planning the wedding.  The colors are perfect.  The invitations are set.  You’ve narrowed it down to fish and chicken.  Now you need to decide what will be the song for the bride and groom’s (or bride and bride, or groom and groom, or whatever) first dance.  Here’s my top five list of what not to play, but hey it’s your wedding do what you want.

  • I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For – U2
  • Paradise by the Dashboard Light – Meat Loaf
  • Nookie – Limp Bizkit
  • Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye) – Bananarama
  • Romeo and Juliet – Dire Straits

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

This would be a mistake. I’d chuckle. My brother would chuckle. My wife would hit me. My brother’s wife would hit me for encouraging him. Everyone else would cringe. It’s an excellent song, but no one else would be laughing.

Paradise by the Dashboard Light

In the words of the high bishop, “Mawage. Mawage is what bwings us togevur today.” But then that love ends. Sure, it’s about love between to young people, but don’t choose this song unless you want it to be an alegory of how not to live your lives in loveless marriage literally praying for the end of time because being worm food is more apealing than spending another day with this person.


Alright. I get it. Something that’s a bit rockin’ for the wedding will get people moving. But no one really wants to see great grandma Alphone walking around with her Grand Mariner cordial chanting, “I did it all for the nookie.” If you just want someting rocking. Choose Sabotage by the Beastie Boys. It’s a better song and G.G. won’t understand the words to embarass you.

Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye)

Alright, this one’s a give me. It should be obvious and I doubt it would ever be considered, but there is probably someone out there that thought it would be cute. As in, “Hey all you losers, Kiss him goodbye. He’s off the market and I won.” Yeah. Please don’t play this at the wedding. It would be funnier to play Total Eclipse of the Heart. The Wedding Singer version.

Romeo and Juliet

Just dont. Please. Romeo and Juliet isn’t a happy ending. They both die a horrible death. Alone. I don’t care how beautiful you think the words are. They both fucking die. I don’t think I can be anymore blunt.