We’ve all been there. You grew up using the pinacle of pencil technology. The Dixon Ticonderoga – there is no substitute. But foolishly you substituted a el cheap-o Staples plastic-wood amalgamation for your traditional solid wood graphite writer. May God have mercy on your soul.
So you’ve gone and done it. You might as well have some solid songs to get you through the suffering. Here are the Top Five songs to listen to while using that chineese plastic peice of shit.
- Cheap Sunglasses – ZZ Top
- Pencil in the Wind – Flight of the Conchords
- Black and Yellow – Wiz Khalifa
- Pencil Thin Mustache – Jimmy Buffett
- School’s Out – Alice Cooper
No one has a song called, “Cheap Pencils”. If they did, I’d put it here for everyone to listen to. Instead you get this excellent song by ZZ Top. I encourage you to make up words to “Cheap Pencils” as you listen along. Let the anger of the peice of shit pencils flow through you and become your muse. You know you can do it. Sing it. Sing it loud. Sing it proud. Oh yeah.
Pencil in the Wind
So there you are. You’ve got one of those not so wonderful Chinese plastic pencils. You could have spent a few extra cents and purchased a quality Ticonderoga #2, but no you ended up with a plastic peice of shit that barely writes. It may be true that, “Love sometimes breaks before you’re done.”, but I guarantee that this plastic pencil will break well before you’re done. It’ll probably make you never want to use a Chinese pencil again, just like love.
Black and Yellow
I’m not gonna lie. I don’t really know (or care to be honest) what this song is about. I like to think it’s about the superior lead and the rich blackness of it you find in a Ticonderoga F 2.5. I also like to think it’s about the brilliand yellow pain on the sides of the same pencil. It’s probably about something much more enlightening and eye opening, but for me, it’ll always be about pencils.
Pencil Thin Mustache
I know. I know. This song has nothing to do with pencils. But the reality is that there aren’t many that do. Enjoy.
I fear the stark reality is that several of you, dear readers, haven’t picked up a basic pencil since you finished school. It shows. Take a moment and write something for god’s sake. It really is a dying art form. Your last day of school was about 20+ years ago. Yes. Alice C. might have sung, “No more pencils…” but come on, he also sang, “Tastes like whiskey on your lips and earthworms rule your brain.” I hope you didn’t take that literally too.
Jonathan is a degreed physicist and engineer by day, and amateur entertainer in the evenings. He enjoys studying and performing improvised comedy and writing sketch comedy. When he’s had enough of listening to people complain, you can find him underwater scuba diving where he can’t hear you. It’s like space. No one can hear you, but not because of a vacuum. No. It’s because you can’t talk. So it’s like space, but without the radiation and deadly aliens that burst out of your chest.