DUCKBURG, CALISOTA, UNITED STATES – In the Fall of 1987 Scrooge McDuck was at the top of the world and yet he managed to climb higher over the next 30 years, but in 2019 disaster struck for the Richest Duck in the World. Flight logs from The Lolita Express, the private airplane that shuttled captains of industry, Washington insiders, Hollywood elite, and some of the most powerful people on the planet to Jeffery Epstein’s private island were made public. A sad surprise to many, Scrooge McDuck was a prominant name on the logs and racked up many frequent flyer miles.
The richest duck in the world had it all: wealth, power, and family. As the years passed his wealth grew, but his family all but abandoned him and his miserly ways. Desparate for companionship Scrooge McDuck began mingling with the elite. In 2002 former pilot and confidant of McDuck, Launchpad McQuack, introduced McDuck to his current employer Jeffery Epstiein. At that point McDuck’s personality changed. He was once again happy and jovial. He started travelling and found a ‘partner in aleged crime’ with Milburn Pennybags and is often seen in photos with Pennybags.
Oddly silent on the sudden change in personality, no one could explain where McDuck would go for days on end. Regardless, he would clear customs at Teterboro Airport multiple times a month and be seen cavorting in NYC night clubs and Hollywood premiers while in country.
Then in July 2019, Jeffery Epstien was arrested and flight logs of his private plane seized. With the public release of the flight log, McDuck retreated to his private villa in Greece, a non-extradition country, and hasn’t returned to the US since. In a strange synchronicity of events, McDuck built a children’s hospital in Athens followed by a granting of Greek Citizenship and issuing of Greek passports to Scrooge McDuck by Katerina Sakellaropoulou. Two days later, Ghislaine Maxwell’s court documents were leaked to press and McDuck’s name is listed among them.
Now Mogul and Captain of Industry Scrooge McDuck spends his days secluded in his Greek villa drinking uzo and eating gyros and baklava as the date of Ghislaine Maxwell’s suicide approaches.
…and that’s where Scrooge McDuck is now.
Jonathan is a degreed physicist and engineer by day, and amateur entertainer in the evenings. He enjoys studying and performing improvised comedy and writing sketch comedy. When he’s had enough of listening to people complain, you can find him underwater scuba diving where he can’t hear you. It’s like space. No one can hear you, but not because of a vacuum. No. It’s because you can’t talk. So it’s like space, but without the radiation and deadly aliens that burst out of your chest.