Whitmer Orders Snowpeople to Maintain 6’ Social Distancing

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LANSING, MI – With snow expected to blanket most of the lower peninsula, Governor Whitmer announced new directives from the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) to force snowpeople to maintain six feet of social separation.  The Governor went on to make it perfectly clear “[that] this is NOT an executive order, but a directive from Elizabeth Hertel, director of HHS.”

“Everyone in Michigan needs to do their part to bring this pandemic under control.  That includes our snowpeople as well.”, said Whitmer.  She went on to say, “I’ve been reviewing the data and the science, that is far too complicated for all you simpletons to comprehend, and failure to maintain social distancing in the snow people community will permi…I mean force me to tighten my grip on you peons even longer.”