BROOKLYN, NY – Long known cynically as Whole Paycheck, Amazon’s Whole Foods announced a permanent online only store in Brooklyn this week. Called dark stores in the industry, online only stores have soared in popularity during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Nicole Wescoe, Whole Foods president for Northeast region explained, “If our customers aren’t spending time shopping in a store or stuck in traffic driving to a store, then they have more time to work and more money to spend on our overpriced groceries.”, during an interview this week.
And no. You still can’t get a simple fucking coke at the dark Whole Foods either. However, there are rumors circulating that all the employees have goatees and the lead corporate counsel is missing one arm. Which is cool…cool…cool.
Jonathan is a degreed physicist and engineer by day, and amateur entertainer in the evenings. He enjoys studying and performing improvised comedy and writing sketch comedy. When he’s had enough of listening to people complain, you can find him underwater scuba diving where he can’t hear you. It’s like space. No one can hear you, but not because of a vacuum. No. It’s because you can’t talk. So it’s like space, but without the radiation and deadly aliens that burst out of your chest.