Whole Foods’ Plan to Take Even More of Your Money at ‘Dark Store’


BROOKLYN, NY – Long known cynically as Whole Paycheck, Amazon’s Whole Foods announced a permanent online only store in Brooklyn this week.  Called dark stores in the industry, online only stores have soared in popularity during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Nicole Wescoe, Whole Foods president for Northeast region  explained, “If our customers aren’t spending time shopping in a store or stuck in traffic driving to a store, then they have more time to work and more money to spend on our overpriced groceries.”, during an interview this week.

And no.  You still can’t get a simple fucking coke at the dark Whole Foods either.  However, there are rumors circulating that all the employees have goatees and the lead corporate counsel is missing one arm.  Which is cool…cool…cool.